‘Tis the Indian Wedding Season and many from my cohort and above are getting married. I have an abundance of close friends involved in several weddings at a time. In fact, I have a friend who is not only the MOH (maid of honor) at her sister’s wedding but also at her best friend’s in addition to being a bride’s maid to another. I’m sure you can relate: weddings are a part time job for many of us. It’s understandable that when you’re the Bride or Groom things can be pretty chaotic and crazy for you. We forgive you for being headstrong, selfish at times and extremely difficult to work with. There are some boundaries that you tend to cross and we tend to over look because we love you. But you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Indian weddings are turning up the heat. They are BIGGER not only in size but have become a huge theatrical production with costumes, monkeys, movie clips, dance performances, and the whole works. (And I thought proposals were the only thing becoming a Vegas shit show? From the Blog:What is she really saying yes to?) That's totally cool. Receptions are not meant to be personal like marriage proposals. The more entertaining receptions are the better time spent for those attending them. But who suffers when you overestimate your skills to pull it off? Your family and friends.
I would like to focus on your poor, exhausted, and over invested friends. What did they ever do to you? I’m sure most of them are wondering if you’re even going to make time for their weddings let alone attend dance practices and team meetings? I have no authority to question the extent you would go to for your friends and family. That’s personal and I have no right to discuss it. But I would like to provoke an intervention, a douche intervention if I may. What I am most concerned with is how much people unload on to their friends and family and then when it comes to reciprocating those efforts – the return is less than adequate. I’ve attended enough weddings to notice people going out of their way to put out fires and take on any role to make their friend's events flawless and memorable. What sucks is when it comes to this super friend's wedding, I’ve witnessed instances where “the friend they did so much for” is either double booked and thus attending another wedding, too busy socializing & drinking, or complaining about how disorganized the wedding is. That's a total douche move! Shame on you.
In most weddings, the wedding party and friends are most likely to be the last people to fully kick back and enjoy the overall wedding experience. This decline is quite ironic considering that when you’re planning a reception you’re always thinking about what your family and friends will enjoy the most. So what I’m getting at, is that people ought to be more realistic when attempting to carry out a theatrical production. Labor isn't cheap and so if you're planning on leveraging your friendships be realistic in terms of organization, resources and the execution of ideas. You’re friends and family love you and so are willing to do anything for you. But you should be considerate of their time and efforts. I also think you should have realistic expectations of them. So don’t tell them two months before your reception that you need them to orchestrate a group dance. Don’t leave things to the last minute, be mindful of the existence of their personal lives. At the end of the day, wouldn’t you rather save your emergency calls for last minute catastrophes?
Although your friends are willing to do almost anything for you remember that you are pulling in favors that should be honored. Don’t ask or allow your friends and family to do something that you’ll be “too busy” to do for them any other day. This isn't a tit for tat, but be aware and acknowledge those that have been helpful. Remember, the center of attention you’re receiving is temporary and will expire shortly after the wedding. So get off your high horse and remember to be gracious and humble! A little recognition and an IOU go a long way.
I worry for my girls because they’ve had exhausting experiences in the past and I can sense the reluctance of them ever wanting to be a MOH or BM again! To help some of them out, I’ve decided to Google the number one issue most people encounter with Bach Party etiquette. Now here’s the thing, some of the information is a bit outdated. So I took the liberty of making a few amendments and conditions in light of recent advancements to the whole Bach scene. Also would like to add that MOH/TBM & BMs and GM should all get a plus one!
The Bachelor / Bachelorette Party
I find this to be a common problem. Especially since Bach parties are no longer limited to a night of fun. Who pays for it?
The official etiquette states that MOH/TBM and attendants of the party split the cost of the Bride/Groom
Amendment: Should the duration of the Bach party exceed 24 hours and the Bride or Groom is aware of the plans. Then the event in question shall be divided according to the following
i. Travel and Accommodations are the responsibility of the Bride or Groom while other costs associated to the Bach party is expected to be divided among those attending and hosting.
ii. The division of costs among hosts and attendees include and is limited to: breakfasts, lunches, dinners, cover, booth, bottle service, strippers, decorations, all consumption of alcohol, tickets to entertainment and souvenirs (including T-shirts).
iii. It is the responsibility of the hosts to communicate and explain all expenses to attendees prior to the event in question
iv. Hosts must provide an opportunity for attendees to express their concerns related to expenses prior to the event in question
v. Hosts must address questions and concerns to all expenses as identified in section iv
vi. Hosts and attendees are liable for lost or damaged bride or groom in their entirety and individual parts.
vii. Hosts and attendees are not liable for actions of the bride or groom that indirectly or directly impact the wedding
Condition(s): If the Bride or Groom is not aware (i.e. in the event of a surprise) of the travel plans and destination, then the travel and accommodation expenses are the sole responsibility of those hosting and attending the event. Additionally, the Bride or Groom is expected to make contributions to expenses listed in section ii. However, it is the responsibility of the hosts to discuss and identify these expenses with the Bride or Groom listed in section ii prior to the event in question.
That’s what’s up.
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