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May 28 Cluster fuck

Cuba reminded me that when you get passed the expectations, you begin to appreciate the beauty of it again. I can think of many facets of my life this lesson needs to be applied to right now. Navigating through my hormones, the sleep deprivation, and sudden stress - I've lost perspective. I've forgotten how it feels to just sit down and enjoy a cup of fucking coffee. I know how to pound them down quick to get me through my day. But is caffeine even really working for me? While I've been working to keep my mind sharp, I've forgotten to sharpen the damn tool. 

My mind is a major cluster fuck right now. Well actually, its been this way since I had Rihaan I miss living the moment as it happens. I miss being present and aware of my existence. Mom-life is a zombie-life. If you look at me closely, I look like one of those people in a rat race running from point A to B with 5 almost empty buckets on my arms.  When the whole objective is about delivering the water from one end to the other with poise and grace.  I can't get passed how many buckets, the weight, the struggle. The buckets are just the vessel Sarika. Focus on the contents (I tell myself),

Maybe I've taken on more than I should after having Rihaan. Or Maybe I'm waiting for my brain to grow so that I can accommodate all of THIS. What i know for certain, is that I need to work smarter and not harder. 



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